MatchMaker Yuffie
by Acrimony
Summary: Yuffie Kisaragi has a mission. Her Mission: Hook up Vincent And Tifa before Valentine's Day. But what if in the end Yuffie discovers something else? Perhaps, she doesn't exactly want them to be together... Yuffentine.
1. Track One

**MatchMaker****Yuffie  
**_Final Fantasy VII  
_Acrimony Stealthe-Chan

**Disclaimer**: Acrimony does not own anything that is in this fanfiction (Keyword: **fan**) except the plotline. Even though it is incredibly cliché; Acrimony hopes to do it justice.

**_MatchMaker_** _**Yuffie  
****Chapter One:**_

Hai! Like, Wow! Good Morniiiiing! Ha-ha. Yeah. It's Me. The Great, uber, totally awesome ninja, and like, the greatest Materia Hunter in the world! Oh my god. You have **NO IDEA** what we're doing now. We, as in AVALANCHE. Wait, no, scratch that. And add on a 'Whom with' into the List of Disbelief.

I mean, with us being the whole 'Butt-Kicking' group that killed Meteor and Sephiroth, it's kind of amusing if you think about all the people who are flocking to Wutai in an effort to know more about The Flawless Princess Yuffie. Ha! Looks like the Old Man can't say I'm useless to Wutai after all!

Digressing.

I'm like, wow, fully going off topic. But anyway, after Meteor, and before Vinnie decided to go drag his sorry ass back into his hell-hole of a coffin, Cloud and Reeve decided we ought to have like, a Vacation. Only, seeing as Reeve could practically be the King of the world -EXCLUDING WUTAI DAMNIT- he of course, had to bring along 'Guards'. I.E TURKEYS! This might explain why I'm pouring a helluva lotta fluoro green hair dye into a certain Red-Headed Turk's Shampoo Bottle.

Neehee! So Yeah. So far everyone and everything's been great! So glad the Old Man hasn't sent Shake to randomly come and bitch at me... Yet. Not like I wouldn't kick Shake's ass while she tried to be an even bigger bitch then she already is. Eugh. Shake. You know, twisted as it might sound, I think Staniv and Shake would SOOO be a cute couple! Actually, I seem to recall telling that to Staniv. And he went very pink. That is of course before saying 'There's as much of a chance at that as there is of you and **Valentine** getting together'

"Psst! He's coming!" Cait Sith's voice cuts me through my thoughts.

Ooops! My cue. Using my ever so awesome Ninja skills I glide effortlessly across the room, striking an ever so awesome pose and bounding after the ball of fur. Cait Sith. Where to start... Man. Despite being a robotic cat mog creature thing, he's so awesome because he's such a cool near 'brotherly' figure in mischief. Not that he's anything compared to ME. Haha. Yeah. But, he has one flaw. He never, ever shuts up! He talks almost more than me! And that's saying something. Plus, he never dies either, it's like Reeve programmed him to stay alive forever just to piss me off. I Swear, Barret's run over him like at least three times.

Why the hell won't he just die?

But of course, if Cait Sith like ever kicked the bucket, I'd be like all lonerated because Tifa ain't fun no more since Spike killed Sephiroth. Leviathan. I bet if Aer was still here everything could be all 'Upbeat'.

But yes of course, back to current-ness- if that's even a word. Me, being me, sauntered proudly into the kitchen, grinning broadly. If I do say so myself I am quite the beauty. But compared to Miss Boobs who's standing in front of me right now I'm not THAT pretty.

I mean, Tifa Lockheart. With her abnormally large chest and her nice, long dark brown slash black hair that goes down to her shoulders. With her uberly pretty brown eyes that my stormy grey ones would never, ever, ever match up to. It's not fair really! Why does Miss Boobs get everything and everyone?

"'Sup Spike?" I inquire innocently as he merely glares at me, oh boy, he knows I've done something wrong again.

"Yuffie... Did you do something the one of the Turks again?" He asks me, his icy blue eyes boring into me with a sceptical look. I can tell he's displeased, but I can also see that he's not too displeased to actually care about the welfare of that stupid red-headed Turk.

I'm sighing as a reply. God I swear Spike pretends to be thick. I mean how can ANYONE ever be that stupid?

Ahha. I better shut up now. In comes the Master of Cancer. Cid Highwind and his beloved Shera Highwind. I swear, I thought it'd be impossible for Shera to pry Cid away from his Cancer Sticks, but hey, Shera's smarter than me. She succeeded at least.

Nyahahaha. Well I'm 'glad' for Shera and Cid, I mean, at least they're happy. Unlike Cloud. I mean Miss Boobs is obviously so devoted to him and such. Heh. Tifa deserves better. Seriously. It's kinda obvious Spike ain't getting over Aeris anytime soon.

Heeeeeeeeeey. You know who Tifa would look good with? Guess? Awwh Come on! I mean, Tifa's the only sane person who actually can talk to him properly without screaming 'vampyre!' during the conversation.

Hm. Actually. Now that I mention it.

"BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT"

Gulp. Ohkay. Now's my cue to-

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN YUFFERS RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN" Cait Sith's annoyingly robotic voice screeches at me as I take one look at the Turk that's stalking towards me angrily.

"Hey Reno! What'd you do to your hair? It's all fluoro green!" I say weakly with a shifty-looking grin as I step back awkwardly. Really. If my life wasn't on the line, I'd probably be laughing so hard that Spike'd need to inject me with a tranquilizer. I snort at the thought of Cloud taking a tranquilizer and unwillingly using it on me.

Reno's aquamarine eyes glare at me threateningly, obviously he didn't appreciate the little giggle that suddenly turns into a full round of hysterical laughter. I can't help it! The situation is just too funny.

"Reno!" Marlene screeches as she stalks into the kitchen, arms clasped around her doll. She looks angry, "Reno! WHAT'D YOU DO WITH MY FLURO GREEN DYE? I was GOING to use it for dying Rude's Shirts Green"

She pauses, her cute little face staring at Reno's hair until she collapses. Literally. She's choking back laughter but failing... miserably.

"STOP IT. STOP LOOKIN AT ME ALL FUNNY, YO" Reno tries to shout as he glares at me even more coldly. I swear... if glares could kill...

"That's it Brat. You're DEAD" Reno hisses drawing out his Mag Rod as he advances. Ohkay. I am officially very afraid. I take a few steps back searching my body for Conformer. Oh No. Oh My God. No Fucking Way.

Conformer! It's in my ROOM. AWAY from me! I nearly cry out in despair but immediately hold it back as I realize that there wasn't much time for me to escape. Shakily I take a few steps back. Waaaaaaaait a minute. What's this? I take another step back. Immediately I'm spun around.

"Yuffie?" Vincent Valentine inquires looking at me, his blood red eyes boring mercilessly into me as I squirm a bit. But then something clicks. I put a very traumatized look on my face as I lower my bottom lip into a pout.

"Reno's trying to KILL me because he poured fluoro green dye into his hair" I whine pathetically. Oh man. This better work.

"BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" Reno screeches as several loud guffaws continued to follow him as he glares at me.

I can practically feel Vinnie moving as he draws the Death Penalty. Cocking the gun and aiming it straight at Reno. Only all of a sudden I can tell Vinnie's pausing. His muscles are starting to tense up and I look up. To see the SCARIEST sight ever.

"OHMYGODVAMPYRE! RENO YOU KILLED THE VAMPYRE!" I screech as I watch Vincent's face crinkle up. I can tell he's shaking. But from what? The sound comes out small, hardly audible, but it's there.

"OHMYGOD VINNIE. YOU'RE LAUGHING!" I realize.

Oh My Great Leviathan. Hell Hath Frozen Over.

* * *

I'm looking down, staring at my shoes. I never realized how pretty my boots were. I mean, they're so yellow... and shoe-lacey... and wow... pretty! And SHINEY. Maybe I haven't actually noticed how awesome my boots are because I never really had much of a reason to look anywhere other than directly in front of me at risk of being disembowelled. 

Can I help it if Reeve is looking at me with THAT look? It's that look that tells you that basically what you've done was wrong so now you're screwed; and I happen to be very scared of Reeve when he has that look because it usually means someone is going to die.

"Reeeve?" I mutter meekly, still looking down, avoiding his chocolate brown eyes. HEY. Tifa and Reeve would be Sweet TOO. Hm. Nawh. Vinnie deserves someone like Teef. Reeve sighs softly; I can tell he's still amused though.

"Reeve. IfitriedtohookyouupwithTifawouldyouforgiveme?" I ask with a grin looking up. I can tell Reeve is slowly Processing... processing... processing DING BINGO WOOT.

"Uhm. No Yuffie. I don't think that would get you out of trouble. You might want to try Vincent and Tifa?"

"If I get them hooked up would I be out of trouble?"

Uhoh. A wicked grin creeps up over Reeve's face. Ohman. Immediately I'm regretting saying what I said.

"Well... If you get it done by say... Valentine's Day?" He asks grinning wickedly still.

Oh man. What does a ninja do but say this,

"You're on! And if I succeed you have to get me three Knights of Round MASTERED Materia" People like me just don't know when to give up now do they?

He grins then, laughing even as we seal the pact.

Great Leviathan. What Am I getting myself into? I think as I'm ushered outside the room.

_

* * *

_

_**A/N:** As you may have noticed, this story was started/first posted on the 23th of February, 2006. It was first posted under the username 'Evaerifele' which later changed to 'Stealthe-Chan' and is now permanently, 'Acrimony'. Under the newest revival of fandom, Acrimony is now going through and editing the story. She apologises for any inconveniences. The editing will not severely change much of the story line, but the writing will be brought 'up-to-par' with Acrimony's current writing prowess. Also, Acrimony will be removing all unnecessary review replies; but she does thank all reviewers for the lovely feedback that has kept this story's heart beating strong._

_--Acrimony, 10th of August, 2007_


	2. Track Two

**MatchMaker****Yuffie  
**_Final Fantasy VII  
_Acrimony Stealthe-Chan

**Disclaimer**: Acrimony does not own anything that is in this fanfiction (Keyword: **fan**) except the plotline. Even though it is incredibly cliché; Acrimony hopes to do it justice.

**_MatchMaker_** _**Yuffie  
****Chapter Two**_

"Alright! So first plan of attack is-" For some odd reason, I happen to be pointing at an incredibly shiny whiteboard with messy scrawls drawn across in what appears to be illegible Wutaiin accompanying the most squiggle-like lines I've ever laid my eyes upon, and to make matters worse, in my flawless hands, I'm grasping a straight, wooden stick. Does this just seem a tad bit un-normal to you?

"Oi, Princess, I can't read a thing on that board even if you're pointing at it with that unnatural twig!"

"Shut. Up." I growl back at the electronic creature of abomination. Why I even bothered to get Cait Sith to help is way beyond me now. He must have drugged me and forced me into getting him to help. No doubt!

"Oi, Oi. So let me just run through this 'plan' quickly. We're going to help- No wait. Help is the wrong word. We're going to hook up a vampyre and a chick with abnormally large boobs? Just so you can settle a score with Reeve?" His voice **really** can't pull of incredulity. Seriously. It sounds so retarded. Reeve should program it into Cait's system or something and make situations like these less idiotic.

"Uh. Yeah. You in?" I ask bluntly. No point in begging Cait to help. He must be 'willing'. Or… we could always pull out a bit of persuasion…

"Do I have much of a choice?" He asks in a dry tone. The only answer he'll receive from a higher being such as I is an imitation of Vinnie's classic death glare. But actually… technically it isn't a death glare since he always shoots them at people but they don't die… until he pulls out the Death Penalty and shoots 'em in the head. Very classy indeed, Vinnie.

I pretend to think about it before looking at Cait very pointedly and say 'Nah'. I swear; if robotic faces could do what they call 'falling' it would have. Wait a sec-

I tense as I hear footsteps approaching the empty room. Okay fine. It isn't empty. It was previously empty. Save for the ridiculously shiny whiteboard. I think it's made of some shiny material because I swear the shininess was calling me. Shows how shiny one must be to be called to such shininess.

"No look Lane-" Reno's obnoxious voice is cut as he flings open the previously empty room's door to be greeted with the abnormal shininess of the whiteboard and myself with Cait grinning like bloody idiots. His aquamarine eyes widening in surprise as the shininess of the whiteboard blinds him. But then he immediately tenses up as Cait starts to giggle uncontrollably in the robotic way that you do all the while pointing at Reno's still appallingly fluoro, green hair.

"Stop laughing ya stupid cat, mog hybrid whatever it is you are" Reno growls angrily as Elena stands next to him in a somewhat cocky pose. What's gotten into her all of a sudden?

"Hehe" Was all Cait said as he somersaulted upright as he had been literally **Rolling on the Floor Laughing**. It's surprising how people are starting to actually say it instead of doing it. Like recently, I heard Denzel and Marlene run screaming 'ROFL'. How the hell do they pronounce it? 'Roffell'? 'Rofeeel'?

But of course they didn't really get away with it since it drove Vinnie insane since no-one would enlighten the vampire to modern 'technological' language. But when he figured out he looked so damn stoned. Feh. I guess it was too much to expect from an ancient vampire. And then when Marlene started screaming 'Lol' in an incredibly strange way –saying 'Lawl'- he literally ran out of the Condo and instead ran towards a tree and stayed there for ages.

He claimed that the supposedly technological language of computers and the like was marring to his previously perfect vocabulary. But we're all quite sure he would have stayed in the tree for longer if it wasn't for a certain Miss Boobs who went to the tree and conversed with the vampyre for a while. I wonder what she said…

Feh. More proof that they are 'meant to be'.

"Ohgod! The whiteboard! You-You **defiled** it!" Elena suddenly shrieks as she finally notices the shiny whiteboard. But her eyes, I notice, aren't on the shininess… but the appallingly black squiggles scrawled across it. She notices the marker I had been using and whimpers in pain as she sees the words 'Permanent Marker' splayed across the thick writing instrument. Then she sees three more words on it in messy writing 'Property of Yuffie'.

"My- My Whiteboard!" She screeches and glares at me as she then tries to make sense of the scrawls I had doodled over her precious, shiny whiteboard.

"Hey…" Reno then joins Blondie as they attempt to decipher my writing, all the while grimacing and squinting in the effort. This causes an indignant squawk from me as I take this as an offence.

"My writing isn't that bad!"

No answer.

"Right?"

Still no answer.

"Brat? Who's 'Miss Boobs'?" Reno then asks as he manages to read and connect a few characters scribbled together. Elena bent down looking at the lines trying to make sense of it all.

"Who else in this place has a rack the size of most of my Materia Collection?" I answer back dryly. The insult on my handwriting still raw. I refuse to take kindly to these fiends whom insulted my writing so!

"Wait a second…" Elena then mutters and looks at me. The look of sheer scepticism dancing across her features as she finally understands what I had scribbled across her precious shiny whiteboard.

"You're trying to use Miss Lockheart to kill the vampyre!"

My look of triumph falls as soon as she gets past the word 'to'. Reno stands up abruptly and an arrogant is placed on his face as he listens to what Elena said.

"I'm in!" He says loudly. I swear his voice needs a muffler. It could make anyone go deaf.

"NO. We are NOT killing Vinnie! That's like… Reno murdering REEVE or something!" I counter back.

"Now that you mention it… that plan was scheduled for sometime this day…"

"No you Moron! I don't give what you're going to do with Reeve –providing I get the Materia- but we **aren't** killing Vinnie! We're hooking him up with Tifa!" I argue.

"I see. We're in"

* * *

**Tifa's POV**

"What?" I ask dully looking sharply at the blonde sitting in front of me; my hands were grasping a cloth tightly as I scrubbed at a dirty Alcohol glass. Elena grinned childishly and merely blinked back.

Behind her sauntered in one of the younger members of our troupe. AVALANCHE. Ah. Yuffie Kisaragi. What with her addiction to Materia and shiny objects and whatnot? Her stormy eyes always having that spark of impish behaviour. Her beloved 'Conformer' always close to her. There were many things that made Yuffie Kisaragi, Yuffie Kisaragi.

I could tell a faint blush was spreading over my cheeks as I continued to blink at the Turk in front of me. Yuffie walking towards us and sitting lazily on one of the seats next to Elena.

"I said what I said Tifa, don't play dumb" Elena teases as she sweeps locks of her blonde hair out of her eyes. I sigh and then mutter an inaudible answer. Only to then walk away from the pair as they exchange evil grins with each other.

"Tifa? Is anything wrong?" Cloud's nonchalant voice inquires as he comes to stand next to me. I smile in my usual cheerful way and mutter a quick 'no'. Usually I'd try to keep talking to Cloud, but today my mind was on other things.

"Doesn't seem like it" He answers back and walks silently towards his room. His spiky blonde hair swaying at the tips as he blinks slowly, covering his pretty blue eyes. There was a time when I'd be gushing over him. Dying for him to look at me with compassion or any other emotion than indifference with those pretty eyes.

But now… Now that she was gone.

I think both of us died a little. Not only did I lose one of my best friends… I lost a rival in most matters. They say that once your Rival is gone there is perhaps not much point in living. That, which is where your story ends. It was true for Cloud. What happened to him after he destroyed Sephiroth that one more time? Other than a blast of publicity on AVALANCHE which was over very soon, nothing happened. He went on with nothing to motivate him. For there was no need to be motivated at all.

I used to think that I couldn't wait for her to go. To just leave us and let me make my moves with Cloud. But now that she is gone. I can't say I really feel the same way. It was always obvious to me that Cloud loved her and not me. I used to blind myself. Saying that he only thought he loved her, as Zack did love her. And Cloud had thought he was Zack.

But I knew I was only lying to myself. Deceiving myself. Out of spite. Cloud didn't always think he was Zack. But still he loved her and not me. Cloud never saw me as more than a friend. And perhaps that's all we'll ever be. Friends. But better friends. Then nothing at all.

I quickly send a quick prayer to her. I know she's still out there. The last Cetra. She must be there. In the Life Stream. Aeris.

I blink back into reality as a sharp jab is aimed at my side. Quick as a flash my gloved hands move to grab the hand that jabbed me and twisted it in a very… painful manner. A yelp of pain was heard as I laid brown eyes on the twitching girl I was holding in an agonizing manner.

Quickly I released her hand and giggle girlishly as an apology as she massages her hand tenderly. Her stormy eyes a picture of cheer as she mock-glares at me.

"Sorry Yuffie. I was uhm… Spaced out?"

"Heh. Well. Now we know. Lockheart has some serious reflexes"

"You need serious reflexes in the Martial Arts business Yuffie, or else you'll get attacked and by the time you can comprehend it you'll most likely be held in a death grip" I reply with a grin.

"Anyway Teef. Want to go with me and Laney to the shops? I mean, that is unless Vinnie has snow gear tucked away in this place somewhere?"

I blink again.

"Yeah. Sure"

* * *

**Yuffie's**** POV**

Booyeah! Miss Boobs down. Vampyre to go! I'm grinning like an idiot again. It seems to be a habit now. Ah well.

"Vinniiiiiieeee!" I shriek.

I can tell he's wincing as a spasm of annoyance crosses his deathly, pale features. He steps out of his room, coffin, whatever with his cape billowing behind him.

"Comeshoppingwithme,Laney,Reno,CaitandTifapleaseVinnie?"

He blinks slowly. **Geez**. What is it with people and blinking these days? I can blink too!

"Shopping?"

"Yeah! Cause Cait's gonna carry my stuff, Reno's gonna carry Laney's stuff and you have to carry Tifa's stuff because that's the way it is!"

He sweat drops at my made-up statements and looks as though he's about to say no but-

"PLEAAAAAAAAAASE?"

He sighs.

"Alright"

Heh. Sucker.

* * *

_**A/N:** Under the newest revival of fandom, Acrimony is now going through and editing the story. She apologises for any inconveniences. The editing will not severely change much of the story line, but the writing will be brought 'up-to-par' with Acrimony's current writing prowess. Also, Acrimony will be removing all unnecessary review replies; but she does thank all reviewers for the lovely feedback that has kept this story's heart beating strong._

_--Acrimony, 10th of August, 2007_


	3. Track Three

**MatchMaker****Yuffie  
**_Final Fantasy VII  
_Acrimony Stealthe-Chan

**Disclaimer**: Acrimony does not own anything that is in this fanfiction (Keyword: **fan**) except the plotline. Even though it is incredibly cliché; Acrimony hopes to do it justice.

**_MatchMaker_** _**Yuffie  
****Chapter Three:**_

I have that silly grin plastered on my face again. It seems to be addictive now. I have no idea why though. All six of us, Elena, Reno, Vincent, Tifa, Cait and me are walking through a shopping centre. A very **big** one indeed. I quickly glance at all the expressions on everyone's faces.

Cait is smiling. Stupidly. Tifa appears to be 'reminiscing'. Vampyre looks horrifically bored. Reno and Elena are absorbed in a conversation. How boring. You'd expect a shopping trip between the six of us would be much more amusing. I mean for Leviathan's sake, we've got Ms. Boobs, a stupid, talking, walking cat-mog creature, A re- I mean green-haired Turk and a blonde one to match him. Then we have the Vampyre –what more can I say? - And then, there's me. The Princess of Whatnot.

But no, we're walking in complete 'silence' save for the idiot commentary Reno is attempting to enlighten Elena with. I seriously don't see how she puts up with him. I mean, he's such an arrogant asshole! He's so mean too! He's only useful to make fun of.

I sigh exasperatedly as I hear Reno make another totally lame joke. It's amazing how he even got passed Turk School or whatever you have to pass to become one of those massacre causing, bloodthirsty demons of revenge. Sephiroth, on the other hand, would have totally aced it. What, with him and his bloody Masamune. But he wasn't even a Turk. Stupid First Class SOLDIER.

"I'm bruised" Elena complained and looked at a growing, deep blue mark on her arm. Obviously Reno had hit her, 'playfully' for some unknown reason.

"Are you crushed?" Reno replied and immediately began to cackle in his highly infectious laugh. I sigh again, I really feel like hitting him. How lame can anyone get? I mean, hello! Bruised and Crushed. Not funny! He's such a lame ass.

Tifa turned at the mention of 'crush' and blinked slowly at Reno, her eyes showing all that needed to be seen in order to see her strong distaste for the Turk. Elena, she had a mild soft spot for, but definitely **not** Reno. Especially since he blasted up Sector Seven. Speaking of which, he'd never even answered us when we asked him why he did it. Or maybe he did. I'm not sure. Maybe I'll ask him later. Ha. That is it I don't kill him for making another pointless joke about completely lame things.

"Hey, Why do the…" Reno began to say, and before he knew it, Elena was screeching in some unearthly, banshee-like manner. But for a good reason. It was obvious she was very pissed off at Reno. And I was fully on her side. I mean, how much of one's lameness could one take?

"That's it! Shut up! Shut up! I've had it up to here" She shrieked angrily, a military styled hand slashing upwards towards her forehead in a gesture of anger, she clearly didn't know how to express her frustration in any other way. Such a pity. And she was the 'brains' of the Turk-bunch. Beside me, Cait's loud giggling fills the air as he cheers Elena on. He should shut up too.

"Oi. Stop it you stupid morons!" I yell, jumping into the fray. No particular reason why, let's just say I'm bored and I need something to occupy my time with. And arguing is fun most of the time! We're yelling over some very pretty music, wait a second. I know this song. Too bad I can't seem to put a name to it since our screaming happens to be repulsively loud. I can see all of these obnoxiously strict, old ladies staring at us with sheer disbelief. We must be quite a sight. Reno continues yelling at Laney; and Laney… well she's yelling at us both. Wait, why on Earth am **I** getting yelled at?

"It's his faaaault!" I whine pathetically at Laney and then decided to head towards Tifa. The tall, shapely brunette glaring at the Turks with a look of sheer fury. Oh the embarrassment she must feel. Maybe if I were her I'd be embarrassed too. But I'm Yuffie. The Princess of Wutai. And I'm not scared or embarrassed or anything of nothing! If that even made sense.

"All of you. Stop it!" Tifa shrieks suddenly. She heads towards Elena and Reno angrily, pulling her gloves onto her hands with every intention of…

Pulling them apart!

I pout as I realize that Tifa wouldn't be using her 'brawn' against the pair. It would have been even more amusing. Ohwell. Seeing them all argue would have to suffice for now. Vincent stands beside me, looking on with a passive face as usual. Dude, you should either crack up or frown at this idiocy! He's such a brick wall. Emotionless. Wordlessly, he looks over at Tifa and they exchange glances –Oh my! Progress!-, slowly, he heads over towards a completely different area of the mall and well… Tifa has to literally drag the still arguing Turks. Why does Reno have to be so damn lame?

"We're here to buy snow gear. So buy it!" Tifa says angrily. Irritation evident in her voice as she herds us all like we're a flock of sheep into the first, large snow-store she sees. Yay! Shopping! Freedom! I wonder. What colour skis should I get? Pink is just… disgusting. I hate it. Pink is the most over-rated colour there is in the universe of colours. But, in a sense, so is blue.

Maybe I'll get purple and yellow? I ponder and finger a pair of said coloured skis. They're designed really prettily. The purple is the base colour and on top are thunderbolt patterns in a shiny yellow. Ohyes. They glossed it too! Woot for shinyness!

"Hey, that's a nice pair of skis, Yuffie. Are you going to get them?" Tifa's voice cuts through my random musing over this particular pair of skis. She's standing beside me, her chocolate-brown eyes running swiftly over the other skis surrounding my pair. Not that they're legally mine yet.

"Heh. Probably. That is of course if I don't find a better pair" I answer with a smile and look around at the chromaticity of this particular store. It was said to be Midgar's finest Ski Store. Not that I ever understood the idea of Midgar having a ski store. I'd always thought it would be more of an Icicle Town thing. Ohwell. Modern days have advanced a whole heap. Midgar in particular. Though I suppose I'd have to go pester Barrett over why there was a bloody Ski Store in **Midgar** of all places. Hey, maybe I'll even ask Mr. Cancer sticks if Rocket Town has a Ski Store.

Unlikely though. He'd probably just not answer and instead puff a haze of smoke at me, and then Shera would probably answer and ask me if I was feeling alright since Rocket Town would probably only have Aerial Stores. Not that I really care. I don't think Wutai has any Ski Stores of a sort. At least I'm not aware of any. I mean hello, Wutai hardly ever gets snow. And when it does, it's not anywhere near enough to ski properly on. As for Aerial Stores, I don't think our Forest-Loving population would even consider flying.

Well, I know I dislike flying. Flying… has never been my strong point. After all, every time I get off of the Highwind or the Sierra, I end up feeling very queasy. It's not like it's an allergy or disease or summin' it's just my abnormally low tolerance of heights. Anyway, Vincent is hovering nearby, keeping a firm eye on Elena who is… fuming? Okay then… I think and roll my eyes. Now why on earth would Laney be angry?

Ohwait.

Nevermind.

I get it.

I look over at another section in the store and something or rather, someone catches my eye. Not that that certain someone was worth indulging my precious time on, no; it was more or less what that person was doing. Bloody Turk! I feel like screaming at him angrily. How can he be so bloody inconsiderate to Laney? I swear he knows how to wreak revenge. But not to poor Laney!

"She doesn't deserve that" I mutter to Tifa with a mockingly pained expression. It's no big secret that Laney has a massive crush on Reno. And I'm almost willing to **bet** **my whole material collection **that Reno knows it too. But how could he possibly… I mean doesn't he have any bloody consideration for her? Sure, Turks are meant to be emotionless and all, but not that emotionless! That spot's reserved for Lord Valentine himself. What the… Lord Valentine? Where the hell did that come from? That's like… Count Dracula! Okay no. Now I'm just rambling.

"Men. The bane of any woman's existence" Was Tifa's only reply. Not like she could or should talk. Everyone knows or knew about her temporary infatuation- wait, did I just say 'temporary'? I meant permanent infatuation with a certain aggressively stoic Cloud Strife. I swear I'm doing her a favour by trying to get her and Vinnie together. Sure, Spike and Vinnie are both emotionless walls, but I'm sure Vincent would be a welcome change compared to Spike. Spike is just in his little hole of holes pondering over Aeris. No, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against her. She was like, the coolest person **ever**- After me that is. But I just don't think it's healthy or relatively normal to dwell so much on the deceased. But then again, trying to tell that to Spike is like telling Vinnie to get over his little lab who- I mean, Love interest.

Lucrecia Crescent. I don't seem to recall the first time I heard her name mentioned. Since I'm sure that Vinnie's mentioned her at least once a day, and if not about her, then some rubbish about Atoning for some Sin of Whatnot. Sure, he could technically be Spike's arch-nemesis's biological father… but **other** than that, what other Sin has he made? But still… Sephiroth… I shudder at the thought of him even now. The havoc he wreaked is just disgusting. And I'll **never** forget what he'd done to my Wutai. My precious Wutai. My lovely…

I watch the blonde Turk with growing interest as she appears to be hissing at Reno. I can't say I blame her. Reno can be such an **asshole** sometimes. I then move my gaze back on the Red-Head and watch with either amusement or indifference –probably the latter- as he flirts with one of the Store Assistants. She looks to be around twenty-one or so; since I'm guessing she uses too much make-up to the point that it's not normal, in a futile effort to look younger, but only really succeeding in looking like a try-hard street-skank. She giggles possessively and leans closer towards Reno with a 'seductive' –note quotation marks- smile on her plastic-y face. A loud hiss of rage obviously indicates that Laney wants to go over there and rib off that girl's face off the planet but obviously Vincent's sheer presence next to her is stopping her from doing just that.

The Store Assistant isn't actually much prettier than Elena. If I had to compare to the Blonde, I'd say Elena was much prettier and as for the general aura of the two, Laney would be much nicer. But then I suppose the Assistant's abnormally large bust –I swear they aren't real- most likely make up for her lack of other appeal. Other than that, I don't see what Reno could possibly want with the girl. Her platinum blonde hair –black at the roots… FAKER- was disgustingly lifeless and shine-less, her eyes were coated in an unhealthy amount of mascara and eyeliner, and she wore clothes that were obviously two-sizes too small. Men have strange tastes in women I concluded and sighed.

Cait's furry head suddenly pops out through a rack of ski-gear and he yells a quick 'Boo' at me. I jump back alarmed, with every intention of slicing that stupid mechanical bot apart with whatever blade I could get my hands on –Conformer, is sadly at home-. Cait's giggling increases into hysteria as I grab one of the purple and yellow skis and attempt to smash it down onto his head, with every intention of bashing his mechanic skull in.

"Why you little-!" I hiss angrily and chase after him, leaving a perplexed Tifa behind to fix a rack of skis Cait had 'unconsciously' knocked over as he had passed it. Elena continues to hiss at the Shop Assistant and Reno; especially when the girl leant even closer to Reno very suggestively.

"You're so screwed Cait Sith!" I shriek angrily, still waving the skis over my head like some sort of a maniac gone loose. He continues to laugh very loudly as I follow, he's heading towards the general direction of…

"Ohshit!" I shriek and immediately attempt to slow myself down as I realize who I was about to crash into. You stupid Cat! I shriek mentally as I crash into Reno and the Shop Assistant. And we all go down. I can distinctly hear Elena and Cait's maniacal giggling, both sounding as though they've just taken the best revenge they'd ever dreamed of. But what do I have to do with Reno and that stupid Skank?

"Oh my god!" The Shop Assistant –Bryony it says on her tag- shrieks angrily at me, she's blinking rapidly, a line of black floating somewhere in her disgustingly blue eyes. Obviously a **fake** eyelash had fallen in during the collision. Her skirt had 'somehow' ridden much higher since we entered the store, and her hair was a picture of disarray. Reno, on the other hand. Was just sitting on the ground with a dazed expression looking at us both with a look of surprise. I giggle to myself and sit up, my boots carelessly kicking aside a large snow board as I stand up with a relaxed grin. I carefully note that Cait Sith and Elena are grinning at each other. So **that's** why Cait did that I figured and smiled to myself. Well, if that was the case, then I suppose being under the Shop Assistant's glare was worth it.

"Look at me, you little bitch!" Bryony screams at me angrily. Her heavily manicured fingers struggling to push back her straggly hair. Wait a second I think and continue to take in her general appearance, Ahahaha. I chipped her nail! My grin just continues to grow broader.

"Sorry what was that?" I inquire pleasantly looking up at her as Reno ignorantly stands up and dusts himself off before standing next to me. His expression merely one of now idle disinterest. But I think that's just a ploy since I can so tell he's eyeing her chest. Typical Guy.

"Look at me! You broke a nail!" She continues shrieking at me, waving a hand in front of my face, her make-up-ed face screwing up into a massive wreck of mismatched colours. I roll my eyes in answer which only causes her to keep screeching at me in her unearthly manner.

"Your point?"

"You. Broke. My. Nail!"

"So?"

"YOU BLOODY BROKE MY NAIL YOU BITCH!" She shrieks louder than ever. Murderous rage evident in her eyes as she makes a move to lunge towards me. Alright then… definitely a nut case I concluded and sighed as I stepped away from her. Try not to get too physical in public Yuffs… I told myself as a mantra and continued to eye the crazed girl with distrust.

"Yeah well. I'm sorry I guess" I answer slightly annoyed as she continues to rant at me in her unnatural way.

"And my hair!" She screeches and continues to walk towards me. Reno, in the meantime is getting pulled at by the ear towards a little corner in the store by a very angry Elena, Cait is standing amused next to Vincent and Tifa. Wait a sec- I pause suddenly, since when did **she** move?

"And my shirt!" Bryony howls deafeningly with a whiny tone laced through her too annoying voice. But that's what got me mad.

"Hey. You listen here. It was an **accident**. And how is it **my fault** that your shirt that's obviously **Two Sizes Too Small** ripped? Seriously. Just because you're so fat-"

She snapped.

The air filled with a lovely display of the most colourful language capable of staying in such a pathetic bimbo's head exuding this way and that. Most of the time not making any evident sense. She lunged at me, hands outstretched aiming for my wrists, her face twisted in a very ugly way. Quickly, her strong fingers grabbed at my wrists, What a typically done girl… obviously she ain't no warrior princess. Still sticking to my mantra, I used what last hope I had left and began to yell at her. I knew that there was a slight possibility that she wouldn't listen. But hey. I haven't flaunted my position in **ages**.

"**Let go of me. ****Now.**** Do you know who the hell I am**?" I yell angrily as she proceeds to somehow herd me into a wall. Definitely a non-thinker. "I'm Yuffie Kisaragi. The **Princess** of **Wutai**. The Great Materia Thief. And **you** on the other hand, are **nothing** but a mere **peasant** compared to me! So let me go!"

She ignored me. Instead, she released one of my wrists and attempted –badly-to pull her hand into a fist –she got it wrong. You're not meant to tuck your thumb in- and thrust it towards my head. Casually and instinctively, I slid my head away. This only extracted even more lovely words to spill from her now hoarse throat. I'd fight back. But she's **not** worth the effort. I look around, storm-coloured eyes landing on the area where Reno and Laney are still somewhat whisper-yelling at each other and then towards the general direction of Cait, Vincent and Tifa. They know I can handle a pathetic girl like Bryony. I mean, for Leviathan's sake. I'd taken on much stronger opponents. And I'd even managed to fight Shake and Staniv to a standstill –I would have beaten them if they didn't call for a time out though!-. Bryony, on the other hand, didn't even know how to throw a basic punch properly.

"Why don't you **fight** me you little bitch?" Bryony shrieks angrily and that's when I see someone approach. It was a large man dressed in a loose business suit and a reindeer printed tie. An expression of matching anger settling on his bristly face.

"Bryony Nicola Smith I demand that you stop this nonsense right **now**!" He shouts furiously and pulls Bryony off me. Thank Leviathan! I can breathe! She really shouldn't use so much deodorant. It smells so damn horrible. Bryony glares at me and quickly changes her expression to a sulky one and pouts disgustingly falsely at the man. It doesn't work.

"What on **Earth** were you just doing just then Bryony?" He yells at her. She winces as I quickly sidestep my way towards Cait and the rest of my 'shopping party' and on my way I poke my tongue at her and make a mocking face. Reno coughs suggestively from behind the man –he stopped conversing with Elena since the man came in-. The man turns around, his hazel-green eyes scanning out group and then his angry expression immediately transforms into one of false cheer.

"Hello there. Sorry for that. Bryony will be dealt with shortly," Said girl whimpered, "In the mean time, how might I help you?"

I walk through a massive jungle of disarrayed skis, eyes hunting for 'my' pair of purple and yellow skis. Yes. I would get them.

"Yuffie" Vincent's voice cuts out melancholically and I turn to see his gauntlet delicately holding the pair of skis. I grin as thanks and bound back over towards them, pointing eagerly at the skis. Clearly indicating I wanted them. Taking them out of Vincent's 'hand', I looked at the man and smiled.

"I'll get these, thanks"

Elena and Tifa both chime after me as they hold up their respective pairs of not-too-glamorous skis and we pay all together. Well. Actually Tifa paid for all of them, but we won't go there. As we head towards the cashier, Vincent, Reno and Cait follow us, and as Reno passed a snivelling wreck that was, or is, called 'Bryony' raised a feeble hand towards Reno. Held in between two fingers, was a small slip of paper, in flowery writing was a long set of numbers and a name 'Bryony'. Looking curiously down at her, Reno watched her raise her mess of a head as she winked sleazily at him and used her other hand in a 'phone' gesture as if to say, 'Call me'.

He looked at Elena –Gasp!- and shook his head disgustedly. It was clear he didn't want anything to do with Bryony. Dejected, the pathetic excuse of a girl broke down into tears. On normal circumstances I would have even been sympathetic. But she deserved what she got. Then, Reno walked towards us at the counter, a familiar mischievous and flirtatious grin played out on his devious features as he slinks an arm around Elena's –gasp two!- waist and gently presses his lips –gasp three!- to the side of her neck which immediately causes the blonde to go a light tint of red.

"Ohyeah. Go Laney! Go Ren-Ren!" Cait yells mockingly and scampers towards them, nudging them as Elena continues to blush bright red. Vincent merely looks on with a pained look on his face. Now what? I think to myself and then wave the thought away. None of your business Yuff.

"Well. Time to get going then" Tifa then says softly and holds onto her bag with her black and white skis, looking apologetically at the Store Keeper, she once again herds us away. Reno's hand is clasped possessively around Elena's and she has a smile spreading across her face. I wonder what Elena told Reno exactly. Hmm… I'll ask her later. But hey, at least they're somewhat **together** now I think to myself and decide that that's one plan succeeded. And now, for the biggest plan yet.

_

* * *

_

_**A/N:** Under the newest revival of fandom, Acrimony is now going through and editing the story. She apologises for any inconveniences. The editing will not severely change much of the story line, but the writing will be brought 'up-to-par' with Acrimony's current writing prowess.Also, Acrimony will be removing all unnecessary review replies; but she does thank all reviewers for the lovely feedback that has kept this story's heart beating strong._

_--Acrimony, 10th of August, 2007_


	4. Track Four

**MatchMaker****Yuffie  
**_Final Fantasy VII  
_Acrimony Stealthe-Chan

**Disclaimer**: Acrimony does not own anything that is in this fanfiction (Keyword: **fan**) except the plotline. Even though it is incredibly cliché; Acrimony hopes to do it justice.

_**MatchMaker** **Yuffie  
****Chapter Four:**_

After several hours of mindless rampaging through the shopping centre in futile hopes of sating Cait's desire to go 'shopping', we were all over laden with heavy bags of disproportionate sizes with each bag containing the most outrageous and unimaginable mechanisms and bits and pieces that any twisted cat-mog creature's master desired. If that made any sense at all. You see, one other reason we're 'shopping' is because Reeve has so very 'kindly' decided to go 'shopping' in the simplest way possible. Through Cait Sith.

"Far out. Whose stupid idea was it to go shopping for so much pointless rubbish?" I screech angrily as my legs begin to burn from walking so pointlessly around such an idiotically **big** mall at Reeve's pointless whim. Stupid Reeve I add silently so that Cait's creator doesn't overhear me. In reply to my vague yet still rhetorical question, Cait Sith immediately begins cackling in his infectious manner.

Still walking in a fairly silent mesh of people; as Reno and Elena are otherwise 'occupied', Vincent is stoic as ever, Tifa is… reminiscing and Cait is surprisingly silent. I suppose this gives me permission to begin my own devious thinking. Not that it's anything too devious. **Cough**. Right I think to myself and commence planning, Operation ValenHeart hmm…

My stormy-grey eyes dart around the shopping centre, all hopeful and desperately wanting to find something useful. At least to some extent. Briefly, I stop, place the bags down and massage my arm muscles. Oh how they ache. Suddenly, a somewhat ominous presence is behind me.

"Eh?" I mumble and turn around with every intention of… I don't know. Whatever. Let's just say whoever it was wouldn't exactly be getting cookies and milk. No. Definitely not.

"Yuffie. If it's too heavy, I can help" His voice is like soft hone- What the hell? Great Leviathan.Yuffie! What **are** you thinking! I shouted at myself mentally. Now why would I be thinking like that? I ask myself confused as I stare unwittingly into the very pretty, crimson eyes of Vincent Valentine. I've learnt a few things about him. Yes I have. If he wasn't a brick wall in his past life, he was definitely some chivalry-loving knight. But definitely not **my** kind of knight I add on silently.

"Nah. It's cool" I answer and try to insert a pitiful amount of confidence into those three words. But of course it wouldn't exactly work now would it? And before I know it, he's bent down slightly, picked up the torturous –Damn Reeve- bags and continued on his way. Stupid Chivalry. I think to myself and sigh somewhat loudly.

Elena giggles softly as she continues to talk in a very lovey-dovey way to Reno. What does she see in him? He's so damn rude. Now, if he were only a little bit more polite and kinder and respectful to those who deserved it…

And then something catches my eye.

My heart pounding somewhat significantly faster as I notice something positively advantageous in my little 'deal' with the all powerful Reeve. Ahha.

It's a pair of elevators.

Finely made and very much in use.

But there was something very significant about them both. The one on the far right was consistently full and bustling; whereas the one on the left was almost always empty. I resist the temptation to inquire why, but I suppose that it was because the one on the left had recently gotten jammed or something of the sort. Speaking of jammed… I think as another wave of inspiration sweeps over me. I. Am. A. Genius.

"Oi. Lovebirds!" I hiss urgently at the Turks. I definitely need their uhm… 'expertise' to pull this plan off. Blinking at me, the green-haired Turk and his proud blonde walked somewhat near me. It's amazing how good they look together.

"Look it. Leave all the Lovey-Dovey stuff till later please. Right now we've got some… business to do" I have to stand on my tipi-toes to reach them. Damn shortness I curse in my head as I eventually reach a very unimpressive height and still the pair have to lean down to hear me properly.

A wicked grin dancing across my face as I propose my idea to the pair of masterminds. Identical mischievous grins appear on their faces and Reno in particular has a vicious smirk on his face. No idea why…

* * *

((Reno's POV)) 

"Hey, Laney" I whisper quietly as we walk away from Yuffie, leaving the Wutaiin princess to think to herself. My aquamarine eyes sweeping over the blonde I hold so possessively. It's somewhat surprising really. I must admit that I had some hints that Elena Harvenheit did, in fact like me in some sense. But I guess it was more or less that I didn't think that she really did. I won't deny it. I did and still do like her. A lot.

"Mmm?" She replies nonchalantly as she stares straight ahead at the rest of our shopping troupe. She really is a beauty. Not that I should talk since only a few hours ago I was absorbed in looking at a certain slut's bust.

"Seems like Yuff really is serious about hookin' Vincent and Tifa up"

"Yeah. Makes it harder for us doesn't it?" Was her only reply.

**Flashbackyness**

"Reno. Elena. Come in" Reeve's voice cut through my thoughts with a hint of urgency. As usual, myself and Elena complied. Rude, my loyal partner Rude, was hanging around with Barrett, probably having another arm-wrestling competition of some other muscle-ly thing people like Rude like to do. Myself and blonde-y over here had just observed the stupid brat stalk out of Reeve's office with a somewhat haughty look on her face. She looked very thoughtful which was quite surprising. But she bloody well deserved whatever pain Reeve was going to put her through.

Stupid brat had died my precious hair a disgusting fluoro green. And the worst thing was that it was somewhat permanent and it was almost impossible to rinse out unless you bleach it or something. At least that's what Laney had said. Smart one she is. The brains of our little group of Turks. But then again, she also said waiting it out would help. My poor hair…

We troop in loyally like a pair of obedient hunting dogs waiting to be fed. Reeve was our 'leader'. Fat lot of help he was during Advent Children I thought to myself angrily. One of the few times I was elected in all of my glory to be leader of this particular Turk group. You see, the Turks aren't a small group of people. No. The Turks were and still are at large. But we preferred to be divided into 'groups'. All though you would occasionally find a 'lone Turk' or a totally overrated over the top group of about ten. It just so happened that I was placed with my best buddy forever, Rude and a totally idiotic blonde called Elena. Apparently she was the younger sister of Gun. Ah Gun. I still can remember her. That tragically beautiful yet lethal arsenalist

She was part of the main troupe when ShinRa dominated Nibelheim, as was I. I can still recall her bitter musings when while we waited for Reeve to take command of us, we were at the top of the Turks. The Elites of the most feared group of people around at that time. And we were about to set off to go and kill Cloud Strife and Zachary, one of the First Class SOLDIERs. It was quite ironic really. Anyway, it all ended up chaotic and Gun and most of the Elite Turks got killed off, save for myself, Rude and I forget who else but I'm sure there was someone else. Insignificant at any rate.At least insignificant now.

"What do you think of games, Reno, Elena?" Reeve asked us. His voice laced with a strange tone. It was sounded as though he was trying not to laugh at us… at **me** but failing in vain. I was startled at this question since I had never known Reeve to ever mention anything to do with games or 'fun' unless he was using it in heavy sarcasm.

"Depends what kind" Elena answered carefully. Her pretty eyes scanning Reeve's face for any trace of a 'trap'. Ever so cautious.Gun was a cautious one too…

"Say… the matchmaking kind?"

"Depends who" I answered this time, positive that Elena thought the same way. It's amazing what such a long amount of time together has done to me, Elena, Rude and at times, Tseng. Tseng.One of the biggest puzzles of all, also Elena's love interest.At that time

Reeve continued to inform us of his request, to which we both replied with enthusiasm. Revenge is sweet

**End **

* * *

((Yuffie's POV)) 

I sigh loudly and look again at the Elevators. We're heading towards them and I notice immediately that the top half of them are made from glass. Clear, clean, shiny glass. Not that this matters. Right? Grinning, in my trademark over-enthusiastic manner, I grab at Tifa's hands –thankfully I was bag free- even though she's carrying like, four bags containing complete rubbish, and drag her towards the elevators. She smiles slightly and looks at the rest of the members in our party who nod and give their own permission.

"Hmm… I know! Why don't we go down separately?" I suggest suddenly, trying to look as un-suss as I possibly can. But of course it works. I am the Great Ninja Yuffie after all.

"Since, Reno's driving the car, why don't Reno and some of us go down first? Y'know, so Reno can start the car and all…" I ask innocently and look pointedly at the fairly full elevator that had just arrived on our floor. Reno nods with a smirk and walks into it, pushing up against a glass corner with his bags hanging loosely off two pairs of fingers. Cait Sith catches the drift and follows with a somewhat frightening grin; and that just leaves four of us. Judging by the people swarming into the elevator, only **two** of us will fit. This is just perfect! I think to myself triumphantly and move to drag Elena into the elevator on the right hoping to leave Vincent and Tifa to go alone into the **left** elevator. And maybe… just maybe by some unfortunate turn of fate the left elevator just might jam. And maybe their companions who have the ability to do something about it might just be feigning **deaf**.

I begin to cackle out loud. Literally. I cackle. I don't know why, but it just… happens. Stupid cackle. Tifa and Vincent give me weird looks and Vincent looks as if he's about to tell me and Elena to get into the full elevator with Reno –Just as planned!- when suddenly Reno starts yelling at us. Wait no, **Tifa**.

"Oi. Tifa. Come 'Ere. You got my car keys!" He yells at her.

"WHAT?" I screech; unable to control my surprise as Tifa stalks towards the fairly full elevator, holding a set of car keys disdainfully in her hand. Vincent just gives me another look and Reno just seems to smile innocently. What the **hell** are you playing at! I feel like shouting at him. He's ruining my plan!

"Tifa!" I suddenly yell, taken by the moment I refuse to let what was happening in front of me happen. The raven-haired young lady looks at me with a very puzzled expression. She's about to stop walking to the elevator when all of a sudden-

"LANEY" I hiss as said blonde ran past me and literally pushed Tifa into the Elevator, getting them both in before the doors close. I can distinctly hear a loud 'Oops! Sorry Yuffs!" Coming from the blonde as the doors of the elevator close… Foreverrr! Okay no. I'm being over dramatic. But… But WHY!

"Yuffie? Are you alright?" Vincent then asks me. Crimson eyes showing a flicker of worry which only succeeds in pissing me off even more.

"I'm just fine! Everything's fine. It's all just dandy" I reply sarcastically and rudely push past the gunman and press the button to call the Left Elevator repetitively. So much for getting the job done! I whimper to myself and frown slightly. Those stupid Turks… I'll show them what happens when they so much as **think** about ruining my precious plan! I think furiously, planning how to get even better revenge on them. Stupid lame moron and stupid bimbo!

"Right" Vincent then says and stares vaguely at a whole completely different side of the shopping centre. Great! I think Not **only** did my plan get ever so rudely interrupted, but I'm going to be in an elevator with a Vampyre who doesn't know the term 'communication'. Leviathan-Sama! What did I do wrong?

"Let's go" I say briskly and walk into the Elevator ignoring the 'up' sign hovering in a bright green on the number panel. Right now… I need to kill someone. And I don't care if it's a stupid street skank or not this time. Vincent appears to want to say something, but I just stare at him somewhat coldly. I can't help it though. Right now… I'm just very… pissed off.

"Yuffie? Is something wrong?" He tries again. Seriously, chivalry is fine by me, but too much of it just pushes someone like me to breaking point. Argh

"I said everything is, was, whatever it's fine!" I answer back getting mixed up half way. Yes. A pissed off Yuffie equals a very vocabulary challenged Yuffie. He gives me another look and then tries again.

"You're not fine. Whatever it is. Is not fine. And if you hadn't noticed, you lead us into an elevator that is heading upwards. The others, I suppose, are heading downwards"

I merely glare back at him and scowl darkly. I guess in a sense I shouldn't be taking out my frustration on 'poor' Vincent Valentine but hey, think of it as pay back for all those times he's made me literally die of boredom whenever he launches into his stupid speeches about some Sin of whatnot. That and it's his fault for getting into the elevator in the first place. The metallic doors slowly glide shut and a soft thud is heard indicating that it should be fairly firm. At least I hope so.

Slowly, the elevator begins to move upwards, not stopping at any level but still taking an excruciatingly long amount of time. Stupid people! Just because this elevator probably got jammed sometime in the last two days doesn't mean that it's going to jam again! I think to myself furiously. Vincent's silence only infuriating me even more.

After all, how much silence can one take?

We started off on level five, and the shopping centre consisted of a grand total of fifteen **big** levels. **Fifteen excruciatingly big levels that this particular elevator takes five million years to move up!**

We have snail-like progress, passing levels Eight and Nine and getting somewhere close to Level Ten. I bet they're all waiting in the car right about now I think to myself angrily. I can imagine Reno's smirking face as he waits for us, leaning gently on the front of his black Mercedes and ready to yell at me –no, us- mockingly for getting there so late. STUPID TURK!

All of a sudden I'm pulled for my musings as the elevator begins to shudder and stop its slide up.

"Oh great Leviathan!"

Immediately it begins to tilt sidewards, the glass side at the top hitting the glassy container that held the pair of elevators. And our elevator is swaying slightly. Swinging this way and that, towards the glass container tubey thing and back, towards the metal side of the tubey thing.

My first instinct is to scream and panic. But Vincent immediately starts to move towards me, grabbing my shoulders –Hey! - And pulling me towards him and the Elevator's door. I suppose he knows what he's doing. I wince slightly as his organic-metallic arm thing digs into my back as he tries to prevent me from squirming; which I can tell isn't exactly working since I'm currently squirming a lot.

"The elevator's rigging system is dead" Vincent says blankly and calm as ever. I feel like yelling at him again. How can anyone-

"Oh my God!" I screech again as suddenly I lunge forward as the elevator tilts even more. My body smashes against the glass and sends those annoying jarring pains that you get when you crash into something abnormally hard, up my arms as I use my hands and elbows as defence mechanisms.

I immediately begin to whimper as I make the drastic mistake of **looking down**

It seems as though time has stopped as I immediately feel my breakfast, lunch and all the snacks I had eaten in between were churning in my stomach. I begin to pale as I look down at the void of the shopping centre's many floors. Colourful dots moving in my vision, representing the many people I could potentially squish if I fell down… I can taste bile building in my mouth and I feel like spewing, but-

"Yuffie!" Vincent suddenly yells and I can feel hands grabbing me and helping me up and back towards the Elevator's doors. I suppose I really should lose some weight I think to myself guiltily as I watch a large crack appear on the glass where I had slid into. Not that the great Ninja Yuffie is fat or anything. At least… I hope not

How amusing that I think of my figure during such a moment of crisis.

My head still spinning from such a trauma as looking down from level ten and a bit of such a large shopping centre and still the bile won't be forced down. Those colourful blobs still dancing across my vision as I attempt to steadily focus on the one thing that doesn't seem to be disappearing and then reappearing in my vision; and that is Vincent Valentine.

"Yuffie?" Vincent suddenly says as he looks at me worriedly. I stand a few feet away from him, head spinning and bile clawing at my throat and the back of my mouth. I raise my hands to cup over my mouth, hoping that this will somehow manage to prevent the on wash of everything I'd eaten this day…

When suddenly, I felt a hand pressing my back and rubbing it in a circular motion; confused and positively traumatised, I am reduced to doing nothing but blink, with a slack jawed- idiotic look dancing across my face as I slowly realise what kind of strange thing was taking place.

Vincent Valentine was rubbing my back.

Now as strange as this might sound, I think I have a vague idea as to why. Apparently, rubbing someone's back makes them feel somewhat better and prevents spewing. Apparently I think and sigh as it **apparently** appears to work.

I feel somewhat dazed as the taste of bile slowly receding and the hazy dots flitting across my vision disappearing as I see everything in perfect clarity.

"Better?" Vincent suddenly asks and moves back away from me. I suddenly blush as I realise how awkward it must have been for him. Not to mention for any on lookers. I look up and notice that opposite us are a pair of old ladies looking at us with an expression of mortification. I grin and poke my tongue at them as they gasp and turn away. Stupid oldies I think to myself mischievously and grin.

"Yeah. Uh thanks" I answer and sigh. Now what?

"I have a distinct feeling someone's sending for help" Vincent answers. And as if on cue, the Elevator begins to shake again, swaying slightly but evidently straightening.

"Thank Leviathan!" I murmur and place two arms out to stabilise myself while hanging onto the elevator's walls. Vincent comes to join me as the Elevator continues to move for a moment until we hear a distinct 'bing' which immediately makes me wonder why Vincent or myself made no effort to press the bright red button with a telephone picture on it. I groan out loud as I realise how stupid we were.

Immediately the doors open and an idiotic blonde attacks us, arms flung around us as she literally glomped us.

"Oi. Blondey! Let us out of here before you kill us!" I screech at her as I finally recognise her. Bloody Turk!

"Yuffie! Vincent! You guys are okay!" She whimpers pathetically as we finally manage to push past her into the Shopping Centre. The 'crowd' isn't as big as I had expected or hoped. In fact, it consists of absolutely no-one except for an abnormally fat man holding a crowbar and waving it at Elena rather menacingly.

"Yeah. I wonder why" I answer Elena's statement which just happens to be the most obvious statement ever said in the whole entirety of everything. Elena merely blinks at my sudden coldness. Oh, well she'll find out why as soon as I talk to her and that stupid excuse of a Turk, Reno.

* * *

Well, the ride home was fairly un eventful other than Elena urgently worrying about us as though we were her little chicks and her our over-protective mother. Feh. Vincent had fallen into a deep, brooding and impenetrable silence. Tifa too, was silent and Cait was too busy arguing with Reno as to what radio station we would listen to. Speaking of which, it was amusing to watch Cait sitting on Elena's lap like some overly fluffed toy that Elena could always carelessly toss out the window… 

Anyway.

"What. The hell was that?" I ask as soon as we're back in the room containing the abnormally shiny white board of Elena's. I'm glaring at them in my full, unimpressive fury, hands on hips and raring to punch the Turks in the face.

"Was what?" Elena Harvenheit inquired innocently. Not that it would work on me anyway.

"THAT. You ruined my plan!" I screech angrily.

"Look, Yuffie, honey. It was an accident! You said it yourself. Reno should have started the car and it just so happened that Tifa happened to have the keys!"

"Yeah. Like that would explain you, Elena pushing Tifa into the elevator?"

"Laney didn't push her. It was an accident. That was all"

"I'm sure. And the elevator jamming was an accident too!" I counter Reno and continue glaring, ignoring the nervous glances shared between Reno and Elena at the mention of 'jam'.

"Look, Yuffs, we're sorry if we wrecked your plan or anything. It won't happen again. Promise!" Elena then continues as Reno nods in agreement.

I sigh in sheer frustration and nod. I mean, what can I do? I need help. As much as I'm unwilling to admit it, but I do. And the Turks are the only ones I think that have the arts capable of being a major assistance. Or just a major pain in the ass…

I leave the room and storm angrily upstairs, heading towards Denzel and Marlene in an effort to let the joys of reliving childish days consume me and forget what an awkward day it had been; not noticing the triumphant smirks dancing across Elena and Reno's faces.

_

* * *

_

_**A/N:**Under the newest revival of fandom, Acrimony is now going through and editing the story. She apologises for any inconveniences. The editing will not severely change much of the story line, but the writing will be brought 'up-to-par' with Acrimony's current writing prowess. Also, Acrimony will be removing all unnecessary review replies; but she does thank all reviewers for the lovely feedback that has kept this story's heart beating strong._

_--Acrimony, 10th of August, 2007_


	5. Track Five

**MatchMaker****Yuffie  
**_Final Fantasy VII  
_Acrimony Stealthe-Chan

**Disclaimer**: Acrimony does not own anything that is in this fanfiction (Keyword: **fan**) except the plotline. Even though it is incredibly cliché; Acrimony hopes to do it justice.

**_MatchMaker_** _**Yuffie  
****Chapter Five:**_

"Yuffie?" Tifa's voice cuts through the sleepy haze of sleep sharply although her tone is that of sheer serenity. I blink and nod dumbly; not really caring how much of an idiot I might appear to be should she be asking my opinion on the stupidest matter. Thankfully; she didn't. I don't know who's messed up idea it was to board the Sierra so damn early, but they won't be alive for very long. As soon as I hunt them down… oh they'll be literally heading down after I kick them off the ship. That is, after I take their Materia at least. Can't forget the Materia!

"Uhm. Yuffie?" Tifa tries again; she's wearing her typical attire again, though I don't see how she could possibly wear such clothing when we're heading to Icicle Town. Doesn't she get it? **Icicle**. It has something to do with** Ice.** And Ice means **Cold**. Freezing cold. Though I suppose I really shouldn't be talking since my outfit has been considered a lot more… skimpy.

But hey; it's not my fault some blinking idiot whose name has something to do with those fluffy fairy floss-like, white things in the sky; decided to wake me up at four o'clock in the frickin' **morning**! I don't care what that stupid Mako did to his system and whether or not he has bloody insomnia, but that does not mean he has the right to wake **me** up at such an ungodly hour!

I'm a **Princess** for Leviathan's sake!

Not that this has anything to do with my choice of clothing at all. No siree.

The morning had gone by fairly quickly and uninteresting. Although I was interested to note that Tifa had spent a suspiciously long amount of time in the Vampyre's room in order to uh… how should I put it…? 'Awaken' him? Chyeh right. It must have been a very… interesting awakening for the Vampyre.

Anyway, got woken up rudely by Spike and then had a breakfast of Pancakes and maple syrup. I am very proud to say that my love of maple syrup has not diminished in the least. But I suppose I was only beaten in the Maple Syrup 'challenge' by Marlene whom I must say poured an absolutely disgusting amount of Maple Syrup on her pancakes. The poor pancakes literally drowned in the thick liquid. Oh well. I should probably stop musing about the pancakes and pay more attention to Ms. Boobs before she chucks a mental spazz at me.

"What?" I snap irritably as Tifa continues to pointlessly ask if I'm awake or not. Doesn't she understand what a nod means? I'm sleepy anyway! It's not my fault her Spike is a schizophrenic sociopath! Although, I suppose you could use that title for Vinnie too…

"…Never mind, but if you're interested I was going to tell you that we're about to go" Ms. Boobs replies equally as irritably as she stands with a slight frown and heads off towards the door of the place. The Place. What a fitting name for… this 'humble' abode. I don't think I've mentioned where we're currently situated now have I? Well; we're residing at Vincent's mansion. Yes. I said mansion. How the hell does a bloody vampyre earn that much money anyway? Even if he was a Turk; you don't see Reno or Elena flaunting a whole heap of money. But yes, Vincent's mansion.

Unfortunately, today is the day that we're supposed to leave this warm, cosy, hauntingly spacious and somewhat gloomy mansion; and head to **Icicle Town**. And the worst part is, we're going to fly there.

You'd think people would understand by now that people like me just don't cope very well with flying. Or staying in lop-sided elevators for one.

Damnit; Spike just glared at me. Screw him.

* * *

"Oi! Brat, if you're gonna hurl get a fuckin' bucket or somethin'!" 

Insert Cid Highwind's highly… colourful vocabulary. I honestly wonder how his and Shera's kids are gonna turn out. What with his disgusting addiction to those stupid Cancer Sticks and his vocabulary… I honestly feel sorry for the poor toddlers. And that's saying something.

Cid fixes his blue eyes on me in a glowering stare. I would laugh at him (because the situation really would be funny) if it weren't me whose fault it is. Is it my fault none of these incompetent delinquents have an insufficient memory that should tell them about my horribly low tolerance of staying put in moving vehicles which unfortunately also happen to be in the sky?

I didn't think so.

I'd snap back at him for being annoying and irritating my ego (Though I really have no idea why me hurling has anything to do with my ego); but I'm currently walking around the main deck of the Sierra. And feeling very queasy.

The only answer he receives is a glare (at least what I would call a glare) and a mess of incoherent moans from me. Cid automatically raises an eyebrow at me and I can't help but continue to glare at him; but this only elicits a loud guffaw from him.

Well what did you expect? A Materia Hunter who's about to barf up her disgustingly maple-syrupy breakfast and at the same time attempting to glare at you is bound to look somewhat hilarious.

Although; since I am said Materia Hunter, you'll have to excuse me for not laughing.

I suppose you're wondering why such a fantastic and perfect princess such as I, am on the verge of throwing up? Well the truth is; I get motion-sickness. And unfortunately, the simple term 'motion' has grown to include a drastic fear of heights. However idiotic this might sound, I am currently on a flying craft. That is currently moving. In the **sky**. Now do you see why my face has suddenly gone paler?

"Yuffie, if you aren't feeling well you could always go rest in one of the cabins," Elena says gently as she places a hand on my shoulder; bringing an abrupt end to my dizzying walk. I open my mouth to tell her exactly what I think about going to rest in a cabin when all of a sudden I feel the impulse to cover my mouth with my hands. The disgusting taste of bile clawing at the base of my throat as I moan slightly; and teeter towards the garbage bin.

"Ngn!" I groan as Cid automatically hands out a bucket; allowing me to take the liberty of emptying my breakfast into the plastic bag that fit so snugly in the basket. Cid frowns in a disgusted manner at me as I stumble backwards; Looking at your own spew is inadvisable after all.

Not that I've tried.

"Too late" Reno mutters disgustedly as he looks away and then stands near the railing of the Sierra; azure-turquoise eyes staring point blank at the swirls of nothingness that one could see from the observation deck of the air craft. How any sane individual could stand there and not get bored by the endless clouds is beyond me. But I suppose that's why you need to underline the word 'sane'.

It's not really about whether I'm feeling well or not; since sometimes my 'sickness' crawls up at the most unprecedented times and well, let's just say that the results aren't very pretty, but still… I sigh and I nod at Elena, allowing myself to be gently towed away to my cabin room. The only good thing I can see about this stupid flight is that Tifa and Vincent are sharing a cabin… room… thing… err… yeah. So, that means as soon as I feel better I need to figure out how to barricade their door.

I sit down on the bed that Cid had conveniently put in almost every single cabin's room and wait patiently for the throbbing headache and queasiness to subside; Elena looking at me rather sympathetically as she asks me if I want her to stay. I look back up at her from my bed and kindly read: rather bluntly tell her that she 'doesn't have to'. In other words I don't exactly need her with me at the moment. Because, knowing her; Elena will want me to stay in my cabin for the rest of the 'trip'. But that doesn't work because I have things to do, people to see and places to be; including a certain barricade…

So you see, I'll be employing my awesome stealthy skills and sneak out of this cabin as soon as she turns her back on me. So hurry up and go already! The Blonde exhales some pent-up breath that she's been unaware of holding and looks at me suspiciously. Damn Turks and their stupid suspicious training! I can't help but curse in my mind. Hurry up and go, I want to go spy on Vin- I mean, I want to go Barricade Tifa's doooooor

She looks at me in the same fashion that I would look at some creepy little ninja who was trying in vain to convince me that they weren't stealing my Materia. But I'm not as untrustworthy as that now am I? Right? I mean, I'm not the kind of person who would do something that lovely-itty-bitty Elena wouldn't like now am I?

… Shut Up

She nibbles at her lip for a moment and looks at me worryingly –DAMNIT WOMAN JUST GO ALREADY- and then finally agrees, backing towards the door and grabbing the handle to pull it shut, "Take care of yourself Yuffie, don't get too sick"

I continue to sit on the bed for a moment, ignoring the suggestive quip that I didn't know how to look after myself –As if, I'm the Great Ninja Materia Hunter Yuffie! Remember?- and use my ears to catch any form of movement from near my cabin room. It wouldn't do for me to sneak out of my room only to discover that Elena had pulled a trick on my ninja-senses and just walked in a circle through the corridors and back to stand 'guard' outside the room.

I count to myself in my head, waiting until approximately two minutes had passed before slowly standing up on my legs. The joints hurt in that paining way that makes you feel as though you'd been walking for three days flat out and only just then decided you wanted to sleep, but I brush it away. As soon as I stand the pounding headache comes back along with the unsettling feeling of bile clawing at me, but neither effects are half as strong as they were earlier on the main deck.

Waiting for another two minutes as I block out the headache and concentrate on getting my balance, I then edge covertly towards the door, making sure not to step on any of the squeaky floor boards; or make any sounds that might alert whoever it was that might be out in the Cabin Hall to my movements.

Placing a hand on the doorknob, I twist it slowly; praying that it was oiled well and wouldn't make any shrill noises as I turned it completely to the side, thus retracting the little triangle metal-y thing that kept doors closed, tugging lightly as the door swung easily inwards and grabbing the doorknob on the other side; making sure not to release on the inside doorknob.

As soon as I stepped outside the cabin I pulled the door shut behind me, releasing the doorknob and hearing a satisfactory 'click' telling me that it closed properly. As far as I'm concerned, as long as no-one checks on me I should be fine. And then I slip into the corridor.

Now, if my memory serves me right Vinnie's room should be right around…

I look around with my ears alert for any sounds or any odd sights; it won't do to be caught when I've just left my cabin room. I have no doubt that Elena told everyone that I should be staying in my room for the rest of the flight. That just shows to prove that these people are still unaware of my painfully obvious ninja skills.

Here.

Sliding against the walls and turning to the right until I passed another two cabin doors, pressing my ear against the door or one cabin in particular. Inside, I can hear two voices, one; deep and sombre with the other feminine and elegant. Bingo. Those two are like sitting ducks.

I'd intrude on their little party but I've got a plan to carry out.

Straightening up, I examine the door; occasionally glancing around the corridor in case Elena or someone comes and notices that I'm not in my Cabin when I should be 'resting'. My gaze lands on a pair of random cabinets sitting in the middle of the corridor. Jeeze, since when were the fates so kind to me? I can't help but wonder as I continue to stare at the door in the same manner as a psychopa- well no, in the same manner Sephiroth would be staring with at say, Aerith. Or the Holy Materia. Or Cloud.

…

Whatever.

Have I ever mentioned Cid's fixation with locks? No? Well I'm going to mention it now.

You see, along with an unhealthy addiction to everything unholy from those bloody cancer sticks to messing around with greasy machines; Cid loves locks.

He's a mechanic as we all know, but god damn it does he love locks. It probably has something to do with the whole 'illegally breaking into something' thing though. But whatever. The point is Cid is so obsessed with **locks** that he's made it a habit to put two locks on **every door on the bloody Sierra**!

And not as in one lock on top of the other for say 'double security', but one lock on each side of the door! He claims that he did so in case some idiot goes around locking them from the inside and creeping out of the strategically placed windows. Not that I can think of anyone who would do such a thing. Of course not. I mean; that's just so incredibly… I'll shut up now.

The thing is; there's also one advantage about the locks that I have discovered. The lock on the outside of the door almost always overrides the one on the inside of the door. No! Not inside the door inside. I mean like, well, when I say 'inside of the door' I mean the side of the door that faces the inside of the room not the inside of the door because I don't know how Cid would fit a lock in all of that solid wood let alone use it.

So that basically means that even if they manage to pick the lock on the inside of the cabin room; Tifa and Vincent still have to break the lock on the outside of the door.

And there aren't any keys.

Because Cid doesn't believe in keys.

Because he's cool like that.

Anyway, all in all; that means after I lock the Lock**s** and pile the two cabinets outside the door which thankfully opens outwards, well let's just say that Vinnie and Ms Boobs won't be going anywhere for a long time. And that's time enough for me to win this… bet? Is that what it's called? Nah. It's probably more of a 'mission'.

A MatchMaking Mission.

For the Great Ninja Yuffie!

Grinning impishly to myself I pull out my trusty set of lock picks from my back pocket –No I did not get them from Cid- unrolling the encasing cloth and twiddling my fingers above certain ones every now and then.

Well, I have to give it to ya, Old man; these are definitely some **fine** lock picks, I think to myself with a quick grin before my face morphs into an expression of concentration; my hands still hovering over the lock picks; or rather a certain pair of lock picks. They were silver and almost blindingly shiny; sharp and perfect for picking locks. Or setting them.

You see, Professional Ninjas like me don't actually like to take chances unless they're allowed to. And with Three Mastered Knight of Round Materia hanging in the balance, I'm in absolutely no position to take chances. So I'm going to lock the inside lock. Then the outside lock. Then drag the cabinets over and barricade the door.

Because I'm just cool like that.

Finally I manage to pick the slimmer of the two lock picks and ease it into the keyhole- Just because he doesn't believe in keys doesn't mean he doesn't believe in key**holes**And no. Do not take that in a less than clean way. Because that just means you have a very perverted mind. So stop thinking. Now.

Several minutes of silent prodding around the machine-like lock and a soft; hardly audible 'Click' was heard. Signifying the lock on the inside of the door had officially been locked.

Score!

Grinning predatorily, I feel a flicker of fear when I hear the mumbling from inside the room come to a sudden halt; and I blink, praying to the Great Leviathan that Vincent didn't really have that acute and supersonic hearing that all Vampyre's are meant to have. Because if he did my life would be over.

Seconds later the talking starts up again and I can't help but mull things over in my mind. So obviously Vinnie hadn't heard me, right? So I wonder what made him stop… unless…

Ohmygod They **kissed**

Stomping down on the urge to squeal like a rabid fangirl at the fact that my plan had worked, I decide to get to work on the much more complex lock on the outside of their door. Glaring angrily at it after a good three minutes of pointless fumbling and jabbing and twisting and- and just trying to lock the damn thing; I **finally** hear a very satisfactory 'click'.

Yes! I think triumphantly and do a little, silent jig on the spot as I pick up 'my' lock picks and slip them back into my pocket; practically prancing towards one of the cabinets, quickly going through its contents-

Cough.

What?

-and finding absolutely nothing of moderate interest. Sighing angrily, I glare at the wooden box before digging my fingers underneath the ridge of its roof and tugging upwards.

After several moments of strenuous tugging, the side I'm holding onto tilts upward as a pair of legs come off of the floor. Grinning in triumph, I endeavour to drag the cabinet towards the door, pushing it as quietly as I can against the wooden piece and quickly doing the exact same thing to the other cabinet.

There! I think victoriously and chuckle evilly to myself (quietly of course) and then I disappear…

Never to be seen… **ever ****again**.

…

Just Kidding.

* * *

((Slightly earlier, in Tifa's Point of View)) 

"He's still hung up on her, isn't he?" I mutter slowly and focus my chocolate-y brown eyes onto the wooden walls of the cabin. After Yuffie's spectacular exit from the Main Deck, I had stayed up there for a while longer; talking occasionally to Elena and attempting to talk to Cloud. Cloud…

"It would be insulting to her memory if he did not" The usually quiet figure sitting opposite me answered in that usual nonchalant tone of his. I suppose if he were anyone but Vincent Valentine I would argue and say 'But she's gone'; unfortunately, that argument wouldn't work on Vincent Valentine, he knows only too well about those kind of matters.

"Does he miss her that much?" I continue in that same lethargic manner. It was no big secret about my not-so-platonic feelings towards one certain Cloud Strife. But even though I feel that way towards him there is one thing that I have learnt to accept. No matter what happens, he will never feel that way about me. And so maybe I just want to keep being best friends with him. He is, after all the closest thing to family that I know of.

"Do you want him to forget her? She sacrificed herself for the Planet. He never…" He trails off and places his crimson gaze on me. There used to be a time where I would shudder if he so much glanced my way. But now I merely ignore the piercing force his eyes have and instead I mull his question over in my mind. I wait for him to continue, but he does not.

"Is it the same for you? Do you miss her too? And I don't mean Aeris… the other one. You miss her even more then you let on, don't you?"

"I-" He blinks and tenses coldly, "I-"

Suddenly we hear a creak of floor boards and a soft 'click'. Pausing, he looks around the room as though suspecting a spy or something in our midst. Not that anyone would actually try to put a spy in mine and Vincent Valentine's cabin room. After all, only suicidal people would try it. And unfortunately we only know of one person stupid enough to try.

"Yuffie" I sigh after a moment of silence and shake my head. No doubt she's trying to sneak along the corridors and go through someone's Materia Collection or something, "That girl never changes…"

"Hm…" Is his only answer.

Yes. Vincent Valentine is not exactly what anyone would call a very communicative person, if anything he's more of a listener.

"What do you think of the Turks?" I then venture to ask. That question has been bugging me for a while. And I want Vincent's answer. Because he's one of the most intelligent of us all. I especially wanted his views on a certain Turk.

"They're alright. Although I do not exactly feel much hatred towards any of these particular Turks, they have yet to do anything worth that. But I do not trust any of them either."

"What about… Reeve?"

"Reeve is trustworthy. Certainly he has proved his worth before METEOR and even now he works on healing the Planet… Why do you ask? You have a particular interest in him?"

I blink slowly at him and shake my head. "No, of course not"

We fall back into a comfortable silence; the occasional squeaks of floor boards reminding us of the existence of others.

Thud.

"Oof."

"Yo, Tifa! What're these Cabinets doin' at'cha door?" Reno's voice hollers at us much later. I blink and look at Vincent, he too seems to be slightly puzzled as I stand and head towards the door.

"Reno? What do you mean? What cabinets?" I ask him back, no. Seriously. What Cabinets?

"Damnit that hurt…" He mutters barely audible, before speaking up again, "These two wooden things piled onto each other blocking your door. You and Vinnie in there aren't trying anything are ya?"

"WHAT?" I yelp indignantly at such a stupid suggestion. I don't even know what the hell he's talking about! Vincent stands up and comes towards me, cloak swishing gently as he walks.

"Reno. Explain." Is all he says. But enough purpose is in his voice to tell Reno not to mess around.

"Ah, well. Why don't you try to come out and see for yourself?"

"What do you mean 'try'" I yell, annoyed.

"Just… try already!"

I sigh in annoyance and place my hand on the door, pushing gently only to find out that the door was…

Locked.

What. The. Hell.

"It's locked" I hiss, frustrated.

"Really!?" He sounds interested, "Do you want me to use my Knight Stick to get it to open?"

"No! Don't. It'll just melt the lock." Vincent interjects swiftly and pulls out the Death Penalty. I blink. Woah, telling a Turk not to be brutal about these kind of things really is hard. He quickly fires off three bullets, each blasting holes in the door and two smashing at the lock contraption. Damn Cid and his stupid fixation.

"Uhm. Well. That works too?" Reno says meekly as we push at the door. But it still won't budge.

"Reno, move the cabinets" Vincent commands softly.

"What, so you believe me now?" He cackles gleefully and dances around. I can see him moving through the holes; he's such a weirdo.

"Yes. Now just move the damn cabinets!" I answer.

Moments later, and cabinet free; I push at the door and it opens as easily as it did when it was brand new. Stupid Cabinets. Vincent follows me out of the cabin room quietly, frowning at the holes in the door but ignoring them. I can hear him mumble something about apologising to Cid about the door and I can't help but giggle slightly.

"So, who put them there?" Reno asks. Yeah Reno. That's smart of you. How the hell would we know if we didn't even know if they were there in the first place?

"I don't know' I snap, irritably and we leave the whole situation just there.

* * *

((Yuffie's Point of View)) 

Now let's just get this straight. Karma is a bitch. Karma, is a bitch that insists on nagging you about one little thing that you've done. Many people are of the opinion that Karma 'rewards' people who do good things with even better things. But my experiences with Karma are quite the opposite. Karma, for me seems to have a habit of bringing hell on me whether what I've done is for my own purposes or someone else's purposes. Albeit that is a very rare occasion for me.

As you can imagine, Karma and I are close. Best friend material in fact if it weren't for Karma's conniving, scheming and evil tendencies to lash out and wreak havoc on me, if you will. Or rather, Karma is a lap dog that unceasingly stalks me; much to my dismay.

In all of my experience with Karma, I have learnt one thing –and I think Alicia Keys said it the best- when dealing with karma, 'What goes around comes around. What goes up must come down'.

Now normally, in my case Karma works like this. A few days after I… acquire something, usually an object of some value or power, I end up miraculously misplacing said object. Unless I take a few steps before Karma and stuff it in a safe and not lose the key. For example the other day I… found a Mastered Haste Materia. Now I don't really like Haste Materia, but since it was Mastered, I figure it would be useful for trading or selling. But of course, a mere hour or two after pocketing the Materia, it disappears! So you can totally understand my distaste towards Karma. Because Karma is a bitch. Understand?

But I digress.

You see, after my successful and ever so intelligent ploy of locking Vinnie and Ms. Boobs in a cabin room together, I took the liberty to spend a good deal of an hour in my cabin room, drinking cola, laughing at their misfortune, hunting for my materia –and not finding it, but whatever- and counting my copious amounts of Materia in my possession I have a grand total of eighty-seven (and would have been eighty-**eight**), in case you were wondering when I was, uh, struck by the sudden urge to, uh, relieve myself. For want of a better word.

So as you can imagine I took my own sweet time in walking towards the only bathroom thinger on this Cabin Floor only to find it shut. Now, remember what I said earlier about Cid's fixation with double sided locks? Good. Make sure you keep that in mind because that's important. So, I see the door is closed and automatically assume that it's looked. I mean, of course it's locked. Someone must be in it! See, I'm smart. SMART. I can spell that too! S-M-A-T!

So, I waited for a good two minutes or so; just patiently waiting for whoever it was that was in there to hurry up and come out already when all of a sudden I caught sight of our favourite red-gone-green haired Turk!

He grinned in that infuriatingly idiotic manner that he's practically famous for before he sauntered towards me, "'Sup, Yuffers?" He drawled thickly as he approached me, tapping his knight-stick casually against his shoulders as he leans against the wall and stares in a bored manner at me.

"Psh, nothing that matters" I reply impishly and couldn't resist smiling at him. Remember? I had just locked the Vampyre and Teef in a cabin together. I had a right to be happy! They'll probably be confessing and making out with each other right now! I had thought, all thanks to yours truly. And I suppose you could say that now I am the proud owner of ninety Materia and that includes three shiny new, **mastered** knights of round Materia! So. Ha. You lose Reeve! So of course I was smiling.

"Mmmhm," He answers and rolled his eyes at my apparent stupidity –And believe me, I took offence to that-.

"Okay fine, I have successfully managed to lock Vinnie and Tifa in a cabin room together. Isn't that awesome!?" I exclaimed gleefully, grinning at the Turk childishly as I danced up and down on the balls of my feet. Yes. I really needed to go to the loo.

"Oh," His face contorted in a funny manner, he looked as though he was about to laugh at me when all of a sudden his eyes got an evil glint in them. Those aqua-marine eyes really look evil, ya'know. Then his face had gone blank, as though he knew something that he was going to tell me but had decided against it. I arched a brow in a questioning manner but then waved it away because anything he knew was bound to be insignificant.

And that there was my biggest mistake in the past half an hour of my life.

"Hey, uh, Yuffie. Why are you standing outside the bathroom?" He suddenly asked me. Shocking me out of my suspicious stupor as I blinked at him slowly. What. The. Hell?

"I'm waiting to go to the bathroom, duh"

"Yeah, but; there's no-one in there" He answered still in that mockingly bored tone. I blinked again.

"What? But someone's in there!" I protested, "I mean; the doors closed isn't it?"

"Just because the doors closed, doesn't mean there's anyone in it" Reno said calmly and stood up straighter, stepping slightly towards me until I stood a few inches in front of the bathroom door. And to my surprise, there was in fact no sounds in the bathroom.

"I mean, doesn't Cid have a certain habit of closing doors?" He continued in a musing manner, seemingly oblivious to my discomfort as he peered around the corridor. And it was then that I knew my life was over. My life was oh so very much over and I couldn't do a damn thing to stop whatever it was going to be from happening.

"Yeah, so?"

"I'm going to do you a favour, Yuffs." He then said and put a hand on the doorknob, and a split second later a rough hand flung the door open; pushed me inside, closed the door and condemned me to hell.

Click.

Now, remember Cid's fixation with locks? Yeah. Well I can only vaguely remember Cid explaining something to us AVALANCHE members and Turks. There was a problem with the bathroom. Cid loves having locks on both sides of each door. Unfortunately, the Cabin Floor Bathroom Door –It Rhymes! - was lacking a Lock. And to make matters worse; the lock that was missing, was the lock for the inside of the bathroom.

And that 'click'?

That was from the lock on the outside of the bathroom locking. Which meant I was trapped. In a bathroom. As if things couldn't get any worse; I was about to find out that they actually could.

"RENO YOU BASTARD LET ME OUT!" I screeched furiously, beating my palms against the door. The only reply I get is the Turk's laughter and the sound of him switching on his Knight Stick. Okay, now let's get the definition of Knight Stick in place. Reno's Knight-Stick is like a club. A metal club that is kind of a club, but not a club. Well. It's kind of also like a stick. It's only interesting feature is that it can channel electricity. And no, I don't actually know how it works. It's kind of got a Taser effect.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!?" I continued, bloody murder flashing in my eyes as I kicked the door. Great. What a brilliant time for me to leave 'my' Lock Picks behind! I could still hear his laughter, loud, clear and raucous. Asshole. But suddenly it stopped.

Instead, it was replaced with cursing.

"Reno!?" I asked nervously and pray that he didn't do anything else.

"Oh Shit! WhatamIgonnado!? Imeltedthelock! Cid's gonna kill me!"

"You… WHAT!? YOU MELTED THE LOCK!? YOU BASTARD! HOW THE HELL DID YOU MELT IT!?"

But that wasn't the worst of it all.

"…Yuffie?" A quiet, curious, surprised, and stressed voice said. Slowly, ever so slowly, I turned away; praying to the Great Leviathan that it was anyone other than that person. I would give five of my Materia away –low levelled, mind you- if only it wasn't him. Unfortunately; fate wasn't on my side. And as my stormy eyes laid to rest of a shirtless **Vincent Valentine**, my mouth opened and emitted a very loud, very high-pitched, shriek of abject mortification.

And that brings me to where I am now.

"Oh. My. God" Is the only thing I can say as his crimson eyes bore mercilessly into me. Please, kill me now.

_

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_**A/N:** Under the newest revival of fandom, Acrimony is now going through and editing the story. She apologises for any inconveniences. The editing will not severely change much of the story line, but the writing will be brought 'up-to-par' with Acrimony's current writing prowess. Also, Acrimony will be removing all unnecessary review replies; but she does thank all reviewers for the lovely feedback that has kept this story's heart beating strong._

_--Acrimony, 10th of August, 2007_


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